Love, Lust, Infatuation. Which one is it? And How do I know when going into relationships that I am not wasting mine and the person’s time? Well, from few of the things what the Holy Spirit has taught me while studying his word, I would like to share with you ways we can filter the beginning of a lifetime journey; Marriage.

So, Is it Love,Lust or, Infatuation?

What most of us don’t realize is that Love, Lust, and Infatuation are the three different people many confuse to be of the same family line. One would say “I love her/him” when what they’re truly trying to say is “I am infatuated with her/him” or even “lusting after him/her”. If only we would be honest with ourselves we could have saved ourselves and surely others from unwanted heartbreak and unnecessary distractions. You see, even the word Love in Greek is expressed in multiple ways. Three of the common ones are Eros which is the love between two opposite sex that is filled with the passion , which could be in the case of a husband or a wife. In a sense, Eros can be likened to a sugary drink that hydrates and strengthens,makes you HYPER but has you tumbling down real quick. In my opinion, even though most romantic relationships start that way the moment one lays eyes on the other, I wouldn’t consider it to be a reliable form of Love since it only waits for an opportunity before it all comes to an end. Then there is Philia which literally translates to brotherly and this is love seen between family members and friends. Philia can be the next stage in the process that leads to marriage. It is considered a good thing to become good friends with the person you will become one with in the near future instead of letting Eros take course and lead to sexual immorality. The last and most important one especially for those of us born again in Christ is Agape. Agape is the everlasting love of God expressed through his son Jesus Christ. You know what amazes me though? When you read Ephesians 5:28 says “Husbands love (αγαπαν/agapan) your wives.” The word used here for Love is an Agape form of Love which is the Godly love we have received. So, in marriage, we don’t marry or love because our heart goes *thunthun…thunthun* or the moment we see the person birds start chirping, the sky opens and a bright light shines on them like a scene right out of an animated movie. That’s cute though. The reality is, marriage is not based on these scenarios we make in our head that make us feel good and feed our flesh for a little while or passion and burning desire brewing inside of us (Eros). Although the heart beating, eyes widening, angels singing and heads turning might seem like an automatic reaction (Eros), we must keep in mind that this doesn’t guarantee love that will lead to Godly marrige (Agape). Truth is, unless we bite our flesh, say ‘NO’ and submit our desires to the will of God, it is more likely to lead to infatuation and in worst cases lust.

I want you to understand me on this. It is one thing to be mesmerized by true beauty and the creation of God. However, lust and Infatuation are the exact opposite of that. They take the fearfully and wonderfully made human being God has made and corrupt the way one percieve this beauty. Plus, Agape love is sober-minded love. It is intentional and it is the love that is expressed in 1 Corinthians 13. So, when we are with someone with the intention to get married, we must have this verse as a checklist to help us whether or not this is love (Agape) or just Lust/Infatuation (Eros). The checklist goes
□Am I patient? Is this person patient?
□Am I kind? Is this person Kind?
□Am I envious? Is this person envious?
□Am I boastful? Is this person boastful?
□Am I prideful? Is this person prideful?
□Do I dishonor others? Does this person dishonor others?
□Am I self-seeking? Is this person self-seeking?
□Am I easily angered? Is this person easily angered?
□Do I keep records of wrongs? Does this person keep records of wrongs?
□Do I delight in evil? Does this person delight in evil?
□Do I rejoice with the truth? Does this person rejoice with the truth?
□Do I always protect, trust, and hope, and does this person do the same?
□Am I willing to persevere in case something happens that might make this journey difficult? Is this person willing to persevere as well?

As children of God, we must be intentional with the relationship we form when planning to head into marriage because our marriage is not only about ourselves but is also about the spouse we choose, the community we are called to serve, and in the long run the generation that is and will come in the future. So, instead of being led by the superficial and unsatisfiable desires of our heart, while setting realistic standards, we must always remember to first consult God in this matter, wait for HIS answers and follow his plans for our lives. Also, I would like to take this time to encourage any of my brothers in Christ reading this to court a young lady with the intention of getting Married rather than wasting time, money, resources etc with a game of this modern day dating culture we have going on.

The LORD wants our marriages to show the beautiful relationship there is between Christ and The Church and to create a family unit that honors God. So, If you believe that you have been called to be married, have the desire and even are in the process of heading into one, I hope this blog post gave some insight as to what Godly love truly looks like. God bless you!

Let me know your thoughts and questions you might have in the comment section below.